Thursday 30 October 2008


I had lunch with a beautiful young friend this week. We have known each other for many years, in fact for a short while she lived with us and worked in the office.

We got to talking about life in general and the economic climate in particular. She is doing very well, as is her fiancée. A couple of years ago they took out a fixed term mortgage and now it was time to renegotiate.

“Honestly Ann, it’s crazy. Two years ago they we could have borrowed £230,000 but decided to buy a property that wouldn’t stretch the finances so much. Since then both our salaries have more than doubled but they are simply not interested in us”.

Here are a couple that are a cast iron certainty. They have worked hard to gain promotion, paid their mortgage for two years, and they can’t get a good deal. What is going on?

It is all very strange out there at the moment. You hear of the government giving out all this money, but our bank manager said the banks haven’t received anything yet. The spin-doctors would have us believe that the banks are now awash with money, but apparently they aren’t.
But I must say that it couldn't happen to a more deserving bunch of bankers. Unfortunately Joe Public is getting caught in the crossfire.

I hate political spin doctoring and bank double speak. It promotes fear and paranoia and that, I believe, is the reason things have gone so bad. It has been said that you get the politicians (and bankers?) you deserve. I dispute this statement because as a country I don’t believe that we deserve this shower of lying bastards.

As for blaming everything on the global credit crunch - OK that's happening, but if GB hadn't sold off our gold, raided our pension funds and taxed us all into oblivian to fund his inefficient, ineffective public services we would have been in a better position to withstand this economic crises.

Rant, rant, now I’m ready to launch myself at the day and God help anyone that upsets me. Watch out OG, here I come!!

And finally ….... The trouble with life is there's no background music

Thursday 23 October 2008


This was sent to my by my good friend Bernie. A group of professional people posed the question "what does love mean?" to 4 to 8 year-olds. The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissie - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.My Mummy and Daddy are like that They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

'My mummy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day' Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's garden, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Wednesday 22 October 2008


Only hours after I posted my last blog who should rear his head above the parapet on the Andrew Marr Show? You got it, the glorious Lord Mandelson!

And yesterday politics got a whole lot dirtier…! Could the fact that the "Auld Alliance" Mandy and Alistair Campbell are back at the heart of things again have anything to do with it? And at the centre of this latest scandle is a Rothschild. Mandy and Campbell are mere amateurs compared to the Rothschilds who have a very interesting history. Watch this space!

And finally …. a little insight into what retired people do all day:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So my wife called him a shit-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Sunday 19 October 2008


Where, oh where has Peter Benjamin Mandelson gone? The “prince of darkness”, former communist party member, founder of “new labour”, twice shamed, removed and about to be shamed again cabinet minister and now (God help us) Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform, President of the Board of Trade and newly appointed Baron has been uncharacteristically quiet. (As an aside – not an MP but a cabinet minister? Is that constitutionally sound?)

Apart from his many personal claims to infamy he was the grandson of Herbert Morrison - a bigwig in the post war labour movement and eventually Baron Morrison of Lambeth. These socialists do love their titles don’t they?

I actually have respect for, and fear of, the man. He must be one of the most vilified politicians ever to survive and come back even stronger and I have a sneaking suspicion that he has the madness to turn this whole credit crunch/ recession/ depression (whatever) thing around and make Britain great again. I truly hope so. The alternative being that we are basically all fucked.

OG’s is feeling pretty good at the moment. His recent CT scan shows no obvious signs of cancer, and he will have another scan in 6 weeks to see if there is any change.

And finally …… some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Sunday 12 October 2008


Our company (trade names, and was short-listed for the South Lincs Business Awards in the “Best Technology” and “Business of the Year” categories. Last year we were the proud winners of the “Growing Business of the Year Award” and a runner up in the “Best Technology” section.

So …..all glossed up and bushy tailed we attended the "black tie" ceremony alongside the great and the good of the area, including our MP John Haynes. Our main competitor, a great self-publicist and dynamic young entrepreneur, is going places ”big time” (our MP was at his table!) and as we tend to be more self-effacing we doubted that we stood much of a chance against him.

But hey! Guess what? We won the “Best Business of the Year Award” and were again runner up in “Best Technology”. It gave us a great boost in these uncertain times.

To change the subject - did you know that Texans have a word "post-turtle"?. They call Sarah Palin a post-turtle.

It refers to a turtle balanced on a post. "You know she didn't get up there by herself, doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there and you just wonder what kinda dumb ass put her up there to begin with". I think that Gordon Brown is a post-turtle too.

And finally …… Don’t walk behind me, for I may not lead. Don’t walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Don’t walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone

Saturday 4 October 2008


Well, that’s that then. Last week OG and I prepared our Swiss apartment for it’s new owners. An era is over. After spending 8 luxurious years of enjoying our very own Swiss paradise we have come down to earth with a bump. Everything packed and sent back to England. That part of our life is now held together with duck tape and packed in a van.

Now there will be no more standing on our balcony looking at the man in the moon perched on top of the Petit Muvoron (that's the small pointy mountain on the right) gazing back down at US in amazement. No more contemplating the miracle of the night sky with billions of stars displaying their wondrously twinkling light show in the black firmament - just for us.

No more trips to the spa bath to revive my aching limbs in the Turkish bath; subject myself to a pounding aqua massage; drift peacefully on a "float" listening to classical music being piped underwater; allow my poor arthritic body to soak up the therapeutic natural mineral waters being pumped directly from the earth at "bath temperature" with the snow surreally falling on my head in temperatures of –2C (or less!); enjoy a tingly invigorating and spotlessly clean sauna; and finally regain my spirituality whilst relaxing to the soothing sounds of running water, bird songs and wind rustling the trees in the darkened "tranquillity" suite.

No more eating at fabulous Swiss restaurants, where the prices are reasonable, the food is out of this world, the view is to die for and the hospitality is second to none.

But on the upside we have no more daylong journey’s by car, plane, train and finally mountain bus which leave us exhausted and in bad spirits. No more "apartment or Swiss etiquette" to consider, like don’t flush the loo between the hours of 10pm and 7am because it will disturb the co-proprietors, don’t use the washing machine between the hours of 11am and 12am because this is when the Swiss are cooking their midday meal and washing machines may cause a dip in the power supply, don’t "lose it" and start screaming at OG because it may embarrass the neighbours.

So, is it good, is it bad? Now here I sit beside the French doors in my new "Hollywood" bedroom looking across the fens and writing my blog at my beautiful Swiss bureau and I don’t have to travel all day to get here or worry about screaming at OG whenever the mood takes me. We move on.

And finally…Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.