Thursday 27 November 2008


According to OG this years “must have” accessory is a screw gun. And as OG likes to be at the cutting edge of fashion he bought himself one. I had never heard of such a thing. I knew that when he was younger he had a licence for a nail gun, but a screw gun? That’s a new one to me. Apparently you load a belt of screws and then fire them at stuff, ideal for putting up plasterboard (or so he assures me).

Now I understand why he was gagging to do Phase 2 of the renovation himself. It has given him an excuse to buy all the latest in tool technology. I must admit that OG is a bit of a tool junky and at the moment he is being an extremely good citizen by desperately trying to keep the world economies afloat by buying power tools. Gordon Brown must be proud of him.

There is a darker side to this purchase though. My esteemed colleague Tanya is worried about leaving OG and me unsupervised with access to such a deadly weapon. I told her not to worry, poison is my weapon of choice!

And finally ….. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

Saturday 22 November 2008


For one awful moment OG forgot that he had demolished the stairs. Having survived that shock he grabbed his hammer and bolster and battered hell out of the wall for giving him such a fright. Not to be outdone, the man in the iron mask then attemped to set fire to the whole house!

What are they doing? Extending the steel beam so that the pillars can be demolished to enlarge the sitting room and increase the upstairs area enabling one bedroom to be divided into two.

Onto more mundane things. Blog chatter about facebook replacing blogging! I had a bad experience with facebook this week. I clicked on an image sent to me by a "friend". As it happened it had not been sent by this "friend" but by some sad, mad git who spends time salivating in a dark room thinking up ways to screw up software and PC's.

Luckily I had expert help on hand and my man Robert dug me out of this viral hellhole. But be warned, don't click on any links, particularly photographs or videos unless you are 100% sure they are kosha. I can't believe that I actually did it myself because I am normally so aware of the dangers but for some reason facebook had lulled me into a false sense of security and a moment of madness.

I ranted and raged, vowing never to use facebook again. Lo and behold five minutes later found me on facebook complaining bitterly to a "friend" about the dreadful dangers lurking in this particular cyberspace! Mad or what? Replace blogging? I think not. Blogging is for sane, rational people like me and facebook is for idiots!

Must go now, I have to check out what's occurring on facebook.

Wednesday 19 November 2008


Phase two of the renovation work has most decidedly started. This is where my stairs where yesterday. Now they are in the skip. The two pillars in the foreground are destined for the same fate. Ah!!

And for anyone that might be the least bit envious, this is where Castle Bitch has been doing her washing for the last 17 months!

Sunday 16 November 2008


I was going to get myself organised this morning. OG has painted the six sets of IKEA drawers for our new “Hollywood bedroom” dressing room. They are too narrow for sweaters and I had been wondering what to put in them when it suddenly came to me. We have “acquired” various sets of gloves, scarves, neckties, etc over the years and I thought I would put my “small stuff” in the drawers on the left and OGs (where should apostrophe go?) “small stuff” in the drawers on the right. I know, I should get out more shouldn’t I?

While I was contemplating (procrastinating?) this enormous issue I went blogging and found that has challenged me to divulge 7 things I plan to do before I die, 7 things I do now, 7 things I can’t do, 7 things that attract me to the opposite sex, 7 things I say most often and 7 celebrities I admire. Mmmm?

So, while I was contemplating (procrastinating?) this second enormous issue I went blogging again and found that had also challenged me to fess up 6 “interesting” things about myself.

I know that its Sunday so is God telling me something? Does God only speak on Sunday? These are more enormous issues to contemplate aren’t they? Maybe…. No Ann, concentrate in the task in hand.

7 things I plan to do before I die

1. Love OG (aka Old Grumpy) to bits and tell him
2. Be kind and loving to my family, friends and colleagues
3. Live a full and interesting life until I’m 100+
4. Lead a more “spiritual” life
5. Learn from life (so far I don’t seem to have had much success with that one!)
6. Stop obsessing about small drawers and what to put in them
7. Stop being such an “expert” at things I know nothing about (like politics)
Now that one is the hardest!

7 things I do now

1. Love OG to bits and DON’T tell him
2. Procrastinate when something bores me
3. Jump to conclusions and don’t listen to others
4. Cook Sunday Lunch for any of the family that will put up with me
5. Drive like a man
6. Work like a dog
7. Cry like a woman

7 things I can’t do

1. Watch my family suffer emotionally, financially or any other way without wanting to “rescue” them (this gets me into BIG trouble – I’m told they need to make their own mistakes to learn – I say that’s total bullshit)
2. Pass by a baby without wanting to cuddle it
3. Admit I’m wrong
4. Sing
5. Dance
6. Sew
7. Decorate

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex

1. Strong, hairy hands and forearms
2. Charisma
3. Charm
4. Smiley, wrinkly eyes
5. Good body
6. Good mind
7. Good cook!

7 things I say most often

1. How many sales are on the board today?
2. It’s not in the bag until it’s in the bag
3. The “f” word
4. I’m tired
5. “Wow”
6. Love it!
7. Are you free for lunch on Saturday?

7 celebrities I admire

1. Michael Caine (not a lot of people know that!)
2. Churchill (a strange and gifted man and the only person to have a whole section to himself in the Nobel Museum in Stockholm)
3. Maggie Thatcher (ditto woman)
4. Princess Diana (flawed and vulnerable – a fascinating combination and a nightmare to live with.)
5. JFK (power personified)
6. David Beckham (he is massively rich and could do anything he wants, but still jumps through hoops to improve himself – my kind of guy!)
7. George Clooney (because he’s so gorgeous)

Now the most difficult part is to pass this on so I’ve decided to KISS (keep it simple, stupid) and pass on to 7 bloggers named in posts of the day which, incidentally, all make very good reading.

So I ask the following to name the “7 things” questions:

Now to the 6 “interesting” thing about myself:

1. My grandsons’ (where does the apostrophe go?) friends call me “castle bitch” because I live in a big house and (presumably) I’m a bitch
2. My parents were affluent and I was privately educated
3. I spent the middle part of my life piss poor
4. I am now affluent again (hurray! I prefer it this way)
5. I am a tomboy
6. Inside I’m a perfectly formed 19 year old cowgirl (I know, I keep saying that, but you never know – one day? Who knows!)

And the 6 “interesting” things question I pass on to

ENJOY! Now, if you don't mind, I had better get on with cooking lunch!

And finally ...... Word has crashed and I can't get to my "And finally..." list. Sad.

Saturday 15 November 2008


True conversation:

Youngster says “We have a gay in the family don’t we mummy”

Surprised mother “Do you know what that means?”

“It means when a man loves and man and a woman loves a woman”

“Not necessarily. I love my mummy and she’s a girl”

Youngster smiles knowingly “I know that! But you love Aunt xx don’t you?”

“Finish your breakfast and don’t be so silly”

And finally ....Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


This was sent to me by my friend who was raised in Arkadelphia , AR. It is the funniest thing. The picture and sound quality is not great and the accent is a little hard to understand , but stick with it. Trust me, it’s so funny.

And finally ......... Do you realize that in about 40 years we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)

Thursday 13 November 2008


We received the following permission from our marketing department today:

"If desired, you may dress down tomorrow for Children in Need for a fee of £2.00

Please note that this is purely optional."

The question is, would anyone notice if I dressed down? I think not!

And finally….. wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Sunday 9 November 2008


Last Sunday was our daughter's 40th birthday. When I say "our" daughter I am referring to her proud "birth" parents (her mum and OG, as pictured below) and her "acquired" parents (James and mygoodself).

We had a great family gathering of 40 men, women, children and OG with our chef grandson rustling up the most wonderful cordon bluer meal that we had ever, ever had in our lives. Thanks a billion Vinnie and sorry for leaving you with the washing up!.
The children had their own "party" room and screechy things to blow (who bought them those? I'll kill them).

The party girl had her own party room. (She's the one that's missing because she took the photograh - bad planning girl)

The remainder of the assembled crew ate in the new kitchen/family room where they had immiediate and instant access to copious amounts of food and drink. (They weren't daft were they?)

This is the unusual cake.

And this is the unusual sight of OG's two wives getting rat assed together.

A pretty good time was had by all, culminating in a few tired bodies draping themselves around the living room to watch Lewis Hamilton win the F1 world title. Good day, or what?!
And finally ..... If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all

Tuesday 4 November 2008


I love this extract from a book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes in which he talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. This would be his advice to children.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you sa ve the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF . Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.If you agree, pass it on.If you can read this -Thank a teacher!

This doesn't only apply to teenagers, I know a few adults that would do well to take note!

And finally ..... give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink all day.

Monday 3 November 2008


There is a news item in the paper today about a Muslim police chief suing for being told to cook pork sausages and bacon. The article failed to mention why such an exaulted person would be expected to cook breakfast for his underlings anyway. I thought "this is a blatant misuse of human resources and typical of the kind of crazyness going on at the moment", or something like that. Then I scratched my head and thought "there must be something that I am not seeing here". There was - it is a story about a Muslim police chef!

As they say, retired? mmm - maybe: crazy? for sure.