WHY ME LORD? WHY NOT!

When we started the building renovation programme in June last year my husband was insistent that we have everything organised and down on paper so that when the builder started he could work straight through with wiring and plumbing diagrams etc to avoid the madness and mayhem that our projects normally turn into. Good plan! So we scout around for a “designer” to help talk us through fixtures, fittings, colours and designs. We find one but after a couple of visits he disappears off of the face of the earth. I guess our demands must have been too taxing for him.

A few months of struggling on our own prompted our talented and willing son-in-law to take pity on us. He is an interior designer at a firm of architects in the City of London and albeit that he has limited time available to indulge our fanciful whims he sets too to help us. Inspiration flows and great ideas are born. We get over enthusiastic about the project. The builder then injects his view of realism and with a lot of head scratching and a few “umm, that won’t work” and “wouldn’t it be better if you did this?” everything is slowly, but surely, changed. OK, I can live with that and, luckily, my son-in-law is not "precious".

The time has now come to select new bathroom and kitchen fittings. As I am not the world’s most enthusiastic shopper this is a particularly stressful time for me. I would like a bathroom and kitchen personal shopper, but this particular angel does not appear to exist. I have put off thinking about it, but now the builder is making noises like “where do you want the pipes?” and “where is the cooker going?” How should I know? ask the postman, he might have a better idea than me.

But this particular chore will not go away so last week we invited along a “kitchen designer” from one of the big stores. Between us we cobbled together an adequate, but not great, kitchen and then ran out of his 2 hour allotted time slot and he left. I agreed that if I wanted any alterations made I would make an appointment to go into the store to see him. Easier said that done. This particularly store has a great filter system to ensure that customers never get to speak to anyone. You first have to press 8 to hear the list of options available! I’ve tried all week to get through. My fucking 50% discount time is running out and I need to make some alterations and then place my order. Help!

Tomorrow I am going to a specialist bathroom store to go through the same harrowing process. I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes, but hey! I’m an adult, I CAN do this. Can’t I?