Saturday 21 June 2014


Q:   Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can  prolong  life.  Is this true?
A:  Heart  only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't  waste  on exercise.  Everything wear out  eventually.   Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it  like  saying you extend life of car by driving faster.    Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should  I reduce  my alcohol  intake?
A:  Oh   no.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy distilled  wine, that  mean they take water out of fruity bit so you  get even more of  goodness that way.  Beer also made  of grain.  Bottom  up!

Q: How can I  calculate my body/fat ratio?

A:  Well, if  you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to   one.  If you have two body, your ratio two to   one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of  participating  in a regular exercise  program?

A: Can't think of single  one,  sorry.  My philosophy: No  pain...good!  

Q:   Aren't fried  foods bad for  you?
A:  YOU  NOT  LISTENING!  Food fried in vegetable oil.  How   getting more vegetable be  bad?

  :   Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft   around the middle?
A:  Oh no!   When you exercise  muscle, it get bigger.  You  should only be doing sit-up if  you want bigger  stomach. 

Q:  Is chocolate  bad  for me? 

A:  You crazy?!?    HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another  vegetable!  It  best feel-good food  around!

Q:  Is swimming good  for your  figure?

A:  If swimming good for   figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is  getting in  shape important for my  lifestyle? 

A:   Hey!   'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has  cleared  up any misconceptions you may have had about food  and  diets.

And  remember: 

Life   should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention  of  arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved  body, but  rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and  screaming "WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!"


For   those of you who watch  what you eat, here's the final  word on nutrition and health.   It's a relief to  know the truth after all those conflicting  nutritional  studies.   

1. The  Japanese  eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks  than  Australians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat  and  suffer fewer heart attacks than Australians.

3.  The  Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer   heart attacks than Australians.

4. The Italians  drink a lot  of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks  than  Australians... 

5. The Germans  drink a lot of beer  and eat lots of sausages and fats  and suffer fewer heart attacks  than  Australians.

CONCLUSION:  Eat  and  drink what you  like.   Speaking English is   apparently what kills you.



Maggie May said...

That was funny.
What's wrong with the Australians?
Maggie x

Nuts in May

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