HELP - I'M GOING NUTS HERE!

I have been trying to leave comments on some of my favourite blogs and have either encountered word verificators (is that a made up word?)  convinced that I'm am, indeed, a robot or, alternatively, I appear to be out of the "circle of friends".  What's going on?  Did the world go mad in my few weeks blogging sabatical? Are the Mayan loonies correct in saying that the world going to end on 22nd December?  HELP!

Just in case it is, let's have a laugh.  This was sent to me by a good friend. 

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

VIEWS FROM AN OUTSIDER

Never one to hold back on my own personal opinions I would like to comment on my feelings towards the Presidential Elections in the USA. But please remember, these are MY OPINIONS. And also please bear in mind that in this Country I have a right to freedom of speech and I’m a crazy old woman.


I would also like to declare that I am a socialist (with a small “s”) and a conservative (with a small “c”). This is not sitting on the fence. One thing that I have never, ever, been accused of is being a sitter on a fence! I have a social conscience and believe that there should be a safety net for the unable, but not for the unwilling.

Unfortunately socialism in government doesn’t seem to work because the nature of the beast is that the more benefits handed out equate to more votes from the vast hoards reliant on them. And that’s pure logic.

So at the risk of pissing off the majority of the blogging community together with my colleagues, family and friends – here goes.

Soon after Obama was elected President four years ago I read his book “Dreams of my Father”. It made for a fascinating read and I have great respect for him as a man. BUT I worried that he appeared to have an apathy toward the British in particular and Europeans in general. “Our special bond” had come to an end and America was in danger of becoming even more insular.

In these times of global economic mayhem this is not good. We need to stand by each other more now than ever before. Instead Obama seems to have tapped into the national belief that there isn’t a world beyond the shores of America. Great patriotism, but mistaken policies. (Again, in my opinion).

As an uneducated novice I believe that globally we are looking at two views of the same vase. One view tells us that to get out of this economic mess we should increase the number of public “servants” (now there’s an oxymoron!) by creating jobs that are not wealth generators and spend more money on public buildings and infrastructure.

The other view tells us that we should encourage wealth generation, reduce spending by slimming down the bloated public sector and reduce both personal and national debt .  You pays your money, and you takes your choice. 

And now for Mitt Romney. From the wealthy, privileged background so reviled by many, he created his own wealth by his own efforts. Admirable. BUT what an idiot. You couldn’t trust the Presidency to a man that engages the mouth before engaging the brain. You would forever be living on a knife edge!

Interesting years ahead.

MY BLOGGING LIFE HAS COME FULL CIRCLE

I started off my blogging career by reading the excellent  Judith O'Reiley's blog www.wifeinthenorth.com. She hooked me into a fascinating way of life and a great circle of friends.  Judith is the author of two books (Wife in the North and A Year of Doing Good) and was the first blog I "followed".  Now she is "following" me.  Welcome to my humble abode Judith. 

Hopefully my writing "mojo" will return because I have, of late, been very remiss with my postings.  Don't you just hate it when that happens?  How can you describe the guilt you feel?

But why did I stop writing? That's quite difficult to anaylise.  My nearest and dearest seem to think that I lost my general joie de vivre when my daughter and son-in-law took two of my grandchildren to live abroad without leaving a forwarding address. This is not something that I care to elaborate on right now, but suffice to say I miss my grandchildren very much. Family has always been my first priority in life.

I don't necessarily agree with this hypothesis.  I believe that the simple explanation is that I'm just too goddamn lazy and most days can't be arsed to do much. 

So...my life over the last 2 months?  I guess one of the most significant things to happen is that one of my beloved grandsons went off to Sheffield University to study History and French. He seems to have settled in very well and says his course work is not giving him too many sleepless nights, he gets on well with his flatmates and now has a new circle of NBF's to add to his already long list of BF's!  He is a very sociable and amiable boy and I love him dearly. Good luck Ali, you deserve the best.

Continuing on the educational theme, my greatgranddaughter Elise and grandson Taylor have both started Senior School.  This is a huge change for both of them, having moved from from a small village school they are now swimming with sharks!  They are coping OK, but I'm terrified.  Such big changes in their young hormonal lives.  Are they able to deal with these new challenges?  Luckily they both have amazing parents who give them understanding, love and support.  Good luck to you both, you also deserve the best.

Vinnie, another of my beloveds, came over from Austrralia for a few weeks and we manage to get a few hours together.  We even meet up with his elusive brother Frazer at a family get together to celebrate Davy's birthday.  Davy hated going out to eat.  He always said "why drink wine when you can have champagne at home?"  He said that about other (nameless) things too! BUT he did like family celebrations and, apart from home, his favourite place to eat was The George at Stamford. After he died it became something of a ritual to meet up there every year on his birthday. 

My big news is that friends I made on the South Pacific cruise invited me to their Australian beach house for the post-christmas period.  Was I tempted or what?  You bet I was!!!  My mind went into overdrive.  If I'm going all that way it would be a pity not to see Western Australia. Travel up to Darwin via Perth and Ayres Rock arriving back in Sydney by 25th February in time to catch the 61 day cruise back to Southampton via the Panama Canal. 

Wooohhhh! Hold on to your horses Ann.  What about the Oz-Bus reunion at my house in January? What about the house build that seems close to being resolved with the Planning Department? Stop!  I calmed down, arranged to take a rain check until next year and booked myself onto a 12 day cruise to Madeira instead.  A good compomise solution!

Anything else?  Apart putting in an Official Complaint against the wretched Planning Office?  Oh yes, last night I went to see Andy Fairweather Low in concert.  That's a blast from the past!  My two young reluctant companions (who had never heard of him) actually enjoyed themselves.  Maybe it gave them an added dimension into how life used to be, proving that there was life before binge drinking and facebook.  Only kidding girls.


 

THAT WAS THE OLYMPICS, THAT WAS

I think that Seb Coe should be offered a top job to sort out our economy now.  What an achievement!  Not only were the Olympics amazing, inspirational and a massive boost to our flagging moral, he managed to handle the budget, organisation, transport network and security without a hitch.  Even when our national psyche is to "talk things down"!

And when G4, the company appointed to handle security, appeared to let him down he didn't flinch, but simply bought in the armed forces to fill the gaps.  (I have a suspicion that this was planned from the beginning, but to admit that would have maybe scared off the punters). 

A word of praise for our legendary armed forces.  Some had just come back from Afghanistan and should have gone on leave, but without a murmer they rallied around, and rose to the task which was above and beyond the call of duty with grace and good humour.  We are so proud of them. 

Even the BBC was finally contaminated with optimism and that must have been his finest hour.  Honestly, I sometimes wonder is the BBC is an agent provocateur.  If there is good news, they will find an "ah but ....."

And let's not forget the glorious Boris Johnson, our mad, wacky, charismatic but hugely intelligent Mayor of London.  I absolutely adore him and remember predicting great things for him way back at the beginning of this century (that sounds a long time ago doesn't it  :-) ?  But, I believe, we ain't seen nothing yet.  Remember, you read it here first!  

 And now, at last, Andy Murray has won a Grand Slam title in New York.  Onward and upward. Rule Britannia!!

HALF A PINT OF THE BLACK STUFF

I just had a brilliant weekend in Dublin with my Oz-Bus mates and managed to clock up a few "1st's". 

1 - Had my 1st drink of Guinness.  Reputedly Guinness drunk in Dublin is like Guinness drunk no where else.  Can't comment on that because I've never drunk it before, but I can tell you that it IS wonderful in Dublin! 

2 - Had my 1st experience of a "Comedy Club".  Fantastic. I laughed 'til I nearly fell off my chair.

3 - Went to my 1st Gaelic Football Match.  And not any old match, it was the semi-final between Cork and Donegal.  And not any old venue - it was in Croke Park.  Magic.



4 - Dined at a Marco Pierre White restaurant.  We went their for an "early bird" dinner, so I guess we didn't get the full-on dining experience, but the food was great.

5 - Saw the Tall Ships that had taken part in the Tall Ships Race. 

We also went to an amazing Hooley Show at Johnnie Fox's Pub.  One of the oldest pubs in Ireland and certainly the highest. Our good Oz-Bus friend and host for the weekend, Ciaran, is a friend of the owner, Tony, who showed us around.  It's an amazing venue.  Tony has a veritable smorgasbord of photographs of famous people that have visited, including Bill Clinton (and 6 other Presidents),  Condoleezza Rice,  many Royals and, that very lunchtime, Liam Gallagher of Oasis!



And this is quite a rare site - me playing bing!  Tony (of Johnnie Fox's fame) also owns a 2,200 seater boxing/bingo venue. As Jonnie and I got hooked on bingo whilst sailing from China to Alaska last year Ciaran thought it might bring back fond memories! 



Ciaran, you did us proud.  How can we top that for a re-union?  Well the answer to that is, of course, it can't be topped.  We have reached the pinnacle.  BUT we still want to meet up because we have forged such a close bond.  So next January it's all up to my place for a little R&R after Christmas. No bells and whisles with this venue, although I may have a few ideas up my sleeve !!!

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different .......  Two different versions ......  There are Different Morals

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

Channel 7,9, & 10 News, and A Current Affair show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The country is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Julia Gillard appears on A Current Affair with the grasshopper and everybody cries .  The Green Party stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome. Green Party Leader Christine Milne condemns the ant and blames The Liberals, Capitalism and Global warming for the grasshopper's plight. Wayne Swan exclaims in an interview with TV News that the ant has accrued wealth off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally to gain votes to win an election , the Government drafts the Economic Equity & Anti- Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to consider how his hard work and preparation has affected the Grasshoppers Mana and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated under the Government Land Repo Act and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government confiscated house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant´s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared to Vanuatu, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a Drugs related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of Skinhead spiders who terrorise the once prosperous and peaceful, neighbourhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote !

BUT THE REAL MORAL OF THE STORY IS:  GET A LIFE AUSTRALIA - THESE IDEAS ORIGINATED IN THE UK!  WE HAVE THE MOST POWERFUL, MOST INVENTIVE TOSSERS IN THE WORLD RUNNING OUR COUNTRY INTO THE GROUND!!

I NEED A GOOD SHAKE

There used to be a TV advert for some sort of "pick-me-up" that went something like "do you feel one degree under?" Well, the answer to that is yes! And that's crazy because I have such a lot of good stuff going on, but I just can't seem to get motivated and have feelings of tremendous lethargy. And the worst thing is that I have so much to be grateful for (and I truly am grateful).

I just came back from a wonderful 2 weeks in Spain with my daughter, granddaughter and their respective families. It was great fun.

And the Olympics have been inspirational. I have loved every minute and relish the fact that there has been a huge up swelling of patriotism (at last). We are such a great nation and it's amazing that for a small island we have achieved so much both now and in the past.

So what's wrong? Is it because I haven't anything to look forward too? I don't believe so. The business (findmeaconference.com and findmeahotelroom.com), is going remarkably well despite the financial challenges that we have had to face. We have gained a reputation for being an honest, straight forward global accommodation and conference booking service making huge savings on behalf of our leisure and account managed clients. Just what is wanted in the current economic climate. And I have just enough involvement in the company to keep me excited without being overwhelmed with "task" stuff!

And my "private" life is just as exciting.  At the end of this month I am off to Dublin for another Oz-Bus reunion with my good friend Jean. We are also planning to visit the Olympic Park and Stadium before it is broken down and I have also made loose plans to meet up with my friend Sandy and a blogging friend for lunch in London sometime soon.

Mid-September my friend Monica is coming over from Switzerland for a couple of days, I plan to visit my friends Sue and Paul in Spain later in the autumn and the new house build is ready to start imminently.

Oh! and another thing. I had a golf lesson yesterday. I spent 30 minutes hitting balls, learning posture and grip. It was great fun and my coach was very complimentary. She said that I had good eye/ball coordination and assured me that it is very unusual for a novice to consistently hit every ball.

I have plenty to keep me occupied and involved so what's going on? As they say in the States - go figure!