Sunday, 15 August 2010


I'm doing a traditional Sunday Roast today, something that I haven't done for a while. It was put into abeyance when Davy was so ill because he couldn't tolerate having anyone near him. He was in too much pain and, I believe, was trying to concentrate on staying alive. When he died I thought we would resume it again but it didn't seem to happen which is a great pity because all the house renovations were to accommodate our ever growing family when they descended on us.

Luckily my granddaughter bought her family to live with me when Davy died but now they are moving to a new house nearby and the time is right for me to make the big adjustment of belonging to a family of one! I will miss them badly, but life goes on and I will probably see them most days plus I have many grandchildren who keep in touch and visit whenever they can.

Widowhood is a strange place to be. It doesn't seem that long ago that Davy and I were at the heart of the family and now I live somewhere on the edge, not really belonging anywhere and trying to understand many problems that have occurred since he died. The family dynamics have changed and I guess it will take me a while to adjust.

But I have so much to be thankful for. Last week I had a visit from my friend who first introduced me to Davy all those years ago. She lives in Spain now and we had a great time catching up. We are planning for me to visit her and her husband in the autumn, so that is something to look forward to.

And then I have my BIG TRIP to look forward to next March. Next week I am meeting up with Nick who went on this overland London to New York trip this year. I read his blog, wanted to go, paid my deposit and immediately went into a blind panic. Nick is a friend of a friend and we have been in touch by email, but I need to look into his eyes and for him to tell me that it is OK for a 70 year old lady who is not particularly athletic or fit to do such a mad thing.

Help, I have to go my great granddaughters are laying the table for lunch and want me to move!


Maggie May said...

You are like a whirlwind at the moment...... racing here, there & everywhere. I get giddy! But I guess activity is a great way of forgetting the hurts. Or at least starting a new life to help forget.
I have always hated doing a Sunday Roast unless it is being done by someone else & then I only eat chicken & not red meat. I much prefer pasta, rice or a Chinese type meal. However pasta is my favourite type of meal.

Must away.... Maggie X

Nuts in May

Alcoholic Daze (ADDY) said...

It is going to seem strange being on your own after all that company, but keeping busy (or doing as you are doing and travelling a lot) will help to distract you while the grief is raw. Humans are very good at adapting to their environment.

Anonymous said...

the first year is the worst ,so make no major decisions
It seems to settle after the firs anniversaries of everything
You just become the matriarch not the two heads
The family are waiting for you

Retiredandcrazy said...

I don't seem like a whirlwind Maggie.I have always kept on the go and now I feel quite sedantary.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I know what you are saying is true Addie, I'm just taken about by the turn of events since Davy died

Retiredandcrazy said...

Thank you for your words of wisdom VM.

DogLover said...

It's great that Nick's a friend of a friend. I hope that the eye inspection, which will probably be mutual, goes well. I think your journey is a brilliant idea.

But I'm puzzled that you evidently use the dining room table for doing your blogging. I thought you would have provided for a separate blogging room when you were designing your house.

Anonymous said...

good to see you are are keeping true to form. will have to check out your big trip when i get time. Contessa fine but her sister had her first anniversary last month and is not coping all that well .For someone who never tasted liquor in her 76 years she is very content in the pity pot. Rest of family all well and sticking with recovery. Ciaran and family (4) coming on SATURDAY for week. Lorcan coming with his Mum from Swaziland on Sept. 3rd. Our days continue to fly past us but at least we are seeing the gifts of sobriety within family circle. Apologise for not being in touch sooner but Contessa keeps threatening to ring you!! Someday.
love you r&c
Pea in a pod

Retiredandcrazy said...

All my rooms are full of baby boys, little girls and two untidy adults DogLover. Also I had a need to ensure the dinner didn't burn!

Retiredandcrazy said...

I feel for the contessa's sister, but you know how that one goes. You can take the message of help, but she has to hear.

I am thrilled that things are going so well with the family, at least they heard the message that you and you lovely wife tirelessly and lovingly passed on to them.

And Lorcan is coming home! Is this for good, or just a visit?

I, too, keep threatening myself to sit down and make some 'phone calls, but the days rush by and I need to take my "power nap" in the afternoon, etc, etc. By I aim to 'phone this evening (maybe!)

RNSANE said...

I especially love reading all this as my 66th birthday is October 3 and you know I am planning a 6 month sojourn in India if I can use frequent flyer miles. I applaud your adventuresome spirit and figure, if you can do it, then, maybe, so can I. I delight in reading about your travels and see no reason ( except lack of money ) why I need to slow down - though I do have a bit of a mobility problem. We just must roll a bit with the punches and carve a little niche for ourselves. I am so proud of you.

Retiredandcrazy said...

I think your trip is far more adverturous than mine Carmen. Let's have that cup of coffee together when I hit San Franciso next Spring and we can exchange experiences.

By the way, the bus on the American leg of the journey works out of San Franciso. It's the Green Tortoise Bus Co. You probably know it. They were originally hippy buses. Very appropriate!

Mare Freeborn said...

Hi R&C! I haven't commented in a while, but I just wanted to let you know that I am still here & reading every day. I really don't know anything about the situation that you're in, but I have a feeling everything will work itself out. I hope that when I'm 70 I have the guts to just pick up & go on such an adventure! I mean, I'm 36 and have never done anything like it! I just know you'll have a great time! Enjoy it & don't be so nervous - it'll be great! Good Luck & talk to ya soon!