FAMILY FROLICS

A collective sigh of relief went around the Country on Friday when they found Shannon Matthews the 9-year old schoolgirl who had been missing for 24 days hidden in the apartment of her stepfather’s brothers flat.

This then set me to thinking what a tragic life some children lead and how thankful we are that our family is “normal”. OK, we had/have our share of “isms” but, on the whole, we have great love and concern for each other, especially the children.

Our French family came for the weekend full of exciting tales of their new life in France. They look really good. Relaxed, healthy and – tanned? It’s hard to imagine the weather being good enough to get a tan. How does that one go?

The only stress they have experienced in the last few weeks was when they booked their hire car on line. They had the option of upgrading, looked at the deal, decided not to, paid an extra £4 a day to guarantee full insurance cover with no additional charges or hidden extras, booked, received the confirmation which – surprise, surprise – included the upgrade.

It took them THREE DAYS of frustration getting no-where dealing with English call centres before it was finally resolved by someone with a bit of sense in Spain who even waived the £20 alteration fee!

Forgive me go asking a silly question, but why was it beyond the wit of everyone they spoke to realise that this could be a serious system error that should be looked into, apologise and resolve the problem. They probably thought it was just another old codger complaining about the same old thing all the other old codgers are complaining about!

Their next problem was when they went to pick up the car they were were asked for a deposit of several hundred pounds and the fact that they had already paid £4 to avoid this happening cut no ice. They where told to take it up with the airline they had booked it through. And the icing on the cake was that because it was an unusually high amount to put through on a credit card that was being presented at an airport and hadn't been used for several weeks the credit card put a stop on payment for "security reasons". Scream!!!!

It was so good to see them again and yesterday we managed to get together for lunch as a family. I did 10lb of sausages and onions cooked slowly in the oven and fresh warm baguettes, everyone bought cakes and goodies and the children had an early Easter Egg hunt. Today we are having a smaller gathering for Sunday lunch and then they fly off again tonight. Boo Hoo!

We are also getting ready for our trip to Cambridge tomorrow, provided they don't postpone the operation, which they have the option of doing if they have emergency admissions!Old Grumpy's operation will be on Tuesday and last for between 4 to 8 hours. He will then be in the high dependency unit and will not look very pretty for a while!

One of our grandsons lives in Cambridge and has taken three days off work to look after me although he may be deserting me on Thursday evening because he has a lady friend in corporate hospitality who might be able wangle him a backstage pass to the Eagles concert at the O2 Stadium in London.

He offered for me to stay with him, but I declined because he shares a house with three bachelor friends and I thought that they might cramp my style so I will be staying at a local hotel!

As there is no point waiting around the hospital during the operation and he has reserved us a table at the restaurant where he works, which is only minutes away. Another couple of friends have also offered to accommodate me. They have all been so kind to us and Davy is content in the knowledge that I will be well looked after. In fact, I may have such a good time that I may never want to come home again! We are so fortunate to have such wonderful family and friends.

SEVEN UNUSUAL/PECULIAR THINGS ABOUT ME.

I’ve just been tagged by Maggie May to reveal 7 unusual/peculiar things about me. Thanks Maggie, I had just settled down to a post- lunch Sunday afternoon nap!

Ok, here we go :-

I like to sniff glossy magazines

Old Grumpy and I turned one of my madder ideas into a successful business

I can drink copious amounts of alcohol and not get drunk.

I’ve been on the Istanbul to Venice Orient Express

New innovations and technology turn me on.

I don’t like shopping.

I used to drive a new Masserati.

I am now about to ruin the post lunch naps of :-

Granny Smith
Famous for all kinds of wickedness
Red, White and Bleu
Manic Mother of Ficve
Confessions of a Rotten Correspondent
Three Dog Blog
A Mothers lace is in the Wrong

My lady that lunches has just returned from a short business trip to Dubai, having straying inadvertently into Oman! I can’t wait to hear the tale.

I just read in my Sunday newspaper of a robbery suspect in Brunswick, Georgia who was taking part in an ID parade. Not quite understanding the purpose of the exercise, the thief caught sight of the victim and blurted out: “Yeah, that’s her – that’s the woman I robbed.”

THE BIRD MYSTERY SOLVED

He had crept in out of the cold through the cracked open bedroom window, out of the open bedroom door, onto the privacy of the landing and hunkered down, thanking his lucky stars that he had found this haven of peace away from the raging gale.

Next morning the house slowly stirred awake, but he remained hidden, not yet ready to face the dying force of the mighty storm.

The mistress of the house walked by without spotting him returning some minutes later with two mugs of steaming coffee. Yuck, why do these humans imbibe such noxious, evil smelling substances.

The bedroom door closed and there were sounds of the TV being switched on. Soon came this almighty sound of the mistress swearing and shouting at Breakfast TV. Time to get to fuck out of here and away from that mad woman! .

MORE - ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED WITH COWS - 2008 UPDATE

Two cows had escaped and were kindly rounded up by our good friend DogLover.

They were ENTERPRISE COWS

You have two cows. You feed them up and try to sell them, but the market has turned against you and you get less than they've cost you.

So you move to the next field, set up a hotel company, hand it over to relatives to run, get bored and then you have to start a blog to provide you with something to do.

DEFINITELY – THE END (Unless there are any more cows are wandering about out there!!)

THE HOUSE PROGRESSES SOME.

This is an artist impression of what our new bedroom will be like. The spiral staircase leads up to a dressing room and behind the curved wall is our ensuite bathroom. The figure lounging on the chair is Old Grumpy watching his 62" TV!

We have two french doors with a balconette facing the bed and overlooking the fens. We can't wait until the house is finished.

At the moment we are reduced to only one ensuite bathroom, so all visitors have to traipse through our bedroom to go to the loo. Not very convenient and consequently we can't have anyone staying overnight, except the children who don't seem to mind!

The plan is to finish one side of the house, move in and renovate the side that we are now living in. The transition should occur within the next few weeks (fingers crossed) and we can then spread out a little again. Whew! This has been a long haul and I don't anticipate it being totally finished until summer.

RACE REPORT

You can just about make out my logo on Wayne's cart. It looks good doesn't it? He had a good race and reported as follows:


I tested all day Saturday and managed a grand total of 4 laps as I had nothing but problems throughout the day but with some help from some very friendly people I managed to get the kart running right for the race day.

There were bigger grids this time with just over 20 karts entered in my heats, again the main aim was to keep out of trouble and get a signature on my license for the upgrade.
In the first heat I recorded a lap time 0.2 of a second faster than I went last month so at least I was heading in the right direction, I finished 15th from 21 karts.


In the 2nd heat I went a further 0.2 second faster so I’d already gained nearly half a second per lap than last month, I finished 17th from 20 karts.

Heat 3 was basically a non starter when contact with another kart forced me to retire with

The final was excellent and I made up 6 places on the first lap alone (more than anyone else!), I kept my head but I think I had set my tyre pressures a little high and towards the end of the race I was sliding about and losing momentum which allowed a few karts to sneak past me – I recorded my fastest lap of the meeting and set a new personal best, half a second quicker than last month so things are heading in the right direction – I finished 17th from 20 after starting 20th (remember I have to start at the back for every race until I get 6 signatures on my license, I now have 2).

Overall I’m very pleased after the disaster of testing, I can feel myself getting quicker and my driving is improving all the time.

The kart will now be completely stripped and cleaned before the next meeting.

Take care
Wayne

WEIRD OR WHAT?

This morning, whilst swearing and shouting at Breakfast TV, I heard a noise outside our bedroom door.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That noise”

“What noise?”

“If I knew what noise, I would know what noise wouldn’t I? Have you got a university degree asking silly questions or something?. Well it’s obvious that you aren’t going to do anything about it so I’d better look for myself!”

“OK, but put some clothes on in case you’re attacked”

So, whistling a merry tune I bravely marched to the door. Outside on the landing was a bird trying to fly out of the window. Mystery solved! But wait a minute, how had a bird got onto the landing in the first place? The landing and stairs come straight from the downstairs living room where we had spent all yesterday afternoon and evening. All the windows and doors were closed and we don’t have a chimney. So this bird had spent all that time in our immediate vicinity without making any movement or sound until this morning? I think not! Woooowh!

MORE - ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED WITH COWS - 2008 UPDATE

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

THE END.

SEAN CONNERY RIDES AGAIN

Old Grumpy has a penchant to masquerade as Sean Connery. Sad really because the only thing that he actually has in common with the man is that they are both Scottish!

Once our nephew Brian asked him to take a ring into the jewellers to get re-sized. When Brian went in to collect it they couldn’t trace it, until he had an inspiration. “Try an alteration in the name of Sean Connery”. Sure enough, there it was! Mad, isn’t it?

A friend even bought him a Sean Connery mask that he would occasionally wear around the house and office to the great delight of everyone.

He is scheduled for surgery on 18th March and I am doing my best to dissuade him from wearing this wretched mask into the operating theatre because I think that it may distract the surgeons. The operation will take 4 to 8 hours and he will be in hospital for 2 to 3 weeks. Oh happy days but, as I once read the words of a jew to his wife after they were arrested in Nazi Germany, "until now we have lived in fear, now we live in hope".

We are so lucky that we have the love and support of a good family, dear freinds, a "one day at a time" philosophy and belief in a higher power we chose to call God.


MORE - ECONOMIC MODELS EXPLAINED WITH COWS - 2008 UPDATE

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

TO BE CONTINUED…..