Saturday 1 March 2008


Old Grumpy has a penchant to masquerade as Sean Connery. Sad really because the only thing that he actually has in common with the man is that they are both Scottish!

Once our nephew Brian asked him to take a ring into the jewellers to get re-sized. When Brian went in to collect it they couldn’t trace it, until he had an inspiration. “Try an alteration in the name of Sean Connery”. Sure enough, there it was! Mad, isn’t it?

A friend even bought him a Sean Connery mask that he would occasionally wear around the house and office to the great delight of everyone.

He is scheduled for surgery on 18th March and I am doing my best to dissuade him from wearing this wretched mask into the operating theatre because I think that it may distract the surgeons. The operation will take 4 to 8 hours and he will be in hospital for 2 to 3 weeks. Oh happy days but, as I once read the words of a jew to his wife after they were arrested in Nazi Germany, "until now we have lived in fear, now we live in hope".

We are so lucky that we have the love and support of a good family, dear freinds, a "one day at a time" philosophy and belief in a higher power we chose to call God.


You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.



Maggie May said...

So glad the your hubbie has a definite date for the op. That must be a huge relief.
The cow saga goes on! Funny! Where do you get this stuff!

aims said...

Having the date really changes everything doesn't it? You said it so perfectly by your quote - from fear to hope -

Thankfully the date is not very far away now. said...

Yes, Maggie, it does at last seem that there may be light at the end of the tunnel at last.

The "cows" saga, you may be surprised to learn, comes from my amazingly insane friend of Ab-Fab Stikes Again fame.

She is off to Dubai on business this week and has just given up smoking, so expect some more strange tales. said...

Having a date does two things, it brings a sigh of relief that after all this time (it kicked off in October) at last there is action, but at the same time it makes it even more scary and real.

I pray that your friend with breast cancer will be OK aims. Give her our very best wishes. said...

Yes Maggie, it does seem that there is light at the end of the tunnel at last,now bearing in mind that it all kicked off in October and he hasn't had any treatment yet.

I am sure that you will be surprised to learn "the cows" saga comes from my amazingly insane lady that lunches friend. said...


Anonymous said...

Tue Russian with the cows most describes what I'd do with the cows, except it'd be a bottle of wine, and I'd hope they'd wander off to an Englishman where they'd be taxed and then lost in the system never to be found again or end up at the wrong address, I could go on, or even disguise themselves as Sean Conery and be lost in a jewelry store...... said...

An excellent choice Flagmaker. And if your cows should decide to join us in Gordon Brown's Brave New Britian they could slip in at the weekend when is has become "open season" for illegal immigrants or foreign criminals to evade capture because border control staff have been told they must seek boardroom approval and give three weeks notice for any "routine" operations outside regular Monday to Friday hours. This is to plug the £100million hole in their budget!

Then once they had reached this fair and fertile land they could go to the top of the social house and health care lists, evading taxes along the way.

Now don't get me started again Flagmaker, I had just calmed down.