AN OFFER I CAN REFUSE

My paper didn’t arrive this morning. My paper bearer is at an exhibition in Birmingham. How can I eat my lunch without a paper. How can I have a power nap without having eaten lunch? When I was a high-flying executive I could have solved these insurmountable problems. What is happening to me?

In desperation I re-read the Sunday magazine. It reassures me that if I’m aged 50 to 80 and can afford 20p a day, I’M IN!” That’s me! I qualify! What am I in? A smiling actress looks at me from the page “You may be surprised to learn that the average cost of a funeral is now £2,168”.

Strangely enough I recently discussed this very fact with my good friend DogLover. This outrageous cost was precisely the reason that had prompted him to take his wife to her funeral in the back of his estate car.

OK, so we have established that I know the cost of a funeral. What else. I’m told that the Guaranteed Over 50 Plan is life insurance that really can help provide me with life-long peace of mind. How? If I die in the first two year they will pay out all the premiums I have paid.

There is an over-rider. I should be aware that depending on how long I live, I could find myself paying in more than the cash sum paid out. Obviously they have heard of my efforts to squander the inheritance money.

Peace of mind? Excuse me? I think not. Peace of mind is a 20p a day plan for me to live forever, not a plan to die and leave my heirs more money than they can shake a stick at. I think, in this instance, I’ll pass up on this offer.